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By Marybeth Leave a Comment

So Tired of Being Good?

A couple of months ago I had the greatest joyful time I’ve had in a long while. I flew west, into the desert and spent 3 days in a hotel with 1.000 women at the International Women’s Summit in Phoenix, Arizona (ok – a city in the desert). I listened with all my heart to be inspired, loved, challenged, stretched, encouraged and energized.

 

In this eye opening event, I got all of that and more. I didn’t have to be good, or look to make connections for business. I didn’t have to worry about being judged for what I said. I didn’t have to think about the challenges in my life. I just got to open up and absorb and be with energy that flowed from the stage and from each other. These women – Liz Gilbert, Lisa Nichols, Dr Tererai Trent, Cheryl Strayed, Laverne Cox, and others, bared their souls – talked and cried and yelled and danced and laughed and whispered their truths. All this was so that we, as women, would not just keep going, but to move through our lives with the joy we were meant to have.

 

While I was there, I allowed myself to be open, in each moment, and to connect – to ideas, and stories and beautiful women who have been through hell. I  know that everyone carries around their “thing;” their ”story;” their “tragedy,” but it was so powerful to hear these human people talk and bare their souls so that others can learn and keep moving on through their grief and loss and battles of everyday life. We need to hear from strong women who are finding their joy so we can find ours as well. That is what makes leaders — woman or man. To be the leaders of our own lives. On our terms.

 

To hear Glennon Doyle Milton say “Self love is the opposite of self-control, and to “forget the balance” – what is important is “passion and self love.”

 

Cheryl Strayed said, “Open your heart. It’s the most important thing you can do with your life!”

 

It’s not about your job or title or making the bed everyday (which I do find satisfaction in the orderliness of it). It is about being “compelled to find a different version of yourself.”

 

When I flew back east, I entered my empty house and my challenging work. Instead of feeling sad or lonely,  I looked for how to keep the energy going and listened to a podcast with Liz Gilbert (Magic Lessons) and Glennon and this is what was said:  

 

“I am so tired of being good. I just want to be free!”   

 

Whoa!  Most of our lives we do what is expected by others. We don’t give ourselves permission to be bad or listen to our inner voice, which is always right. Maybe it is time to be bad. To do what our hearts yearn for. To be kind; be merciful and “be open to Serendipity – to Coincidence and Magic”  – now this is what we are here for – to be free to be who we are. Everyday badness and goodness.

 

Reach deep down and pull out that courage and resilience we all have within. It is our reservoir of life for us to dip into whenever we need. And there are helping hands so we don’t need to do it all ourselves.

 

Go out and be bad. Then you get to be free to be who you are here to be.

 

If you are looking for an opportunity to dig deeper and find your own inner voice and joy, take the Love Yourself Scorecard(™). This tool is so you can find out how you are feeling about yourself and what you may need that is different.  This is a great first step for discovering how you really want to spend each day – in joy, in discovery, in feeling alive. Click here to take the complimentary Scorecard today.

 

Filed Under: Personal Growth Tagged With: Women Role Models

By Marybeth Leave a Comment

3 Tips to Overcome Perfectionism

 

 

 

 

Over the past two weeks several of my friends and business acquaintances have talked to me about the pressure they have of getting it ‘right’ all the time.  They are worn out, exhausted, crabby, and complain a lot to others about how hard they work. They often put in many hours of hard work; sometimes doing things over and over because it just wasn’t ‘perfect’ in their minds.

 

3 Signals that You May be a Perfectionist

 

  1. Procrastination – if you often put off what you need to do, thinking that it is too hard, you’re not good enough or no one will like what you do, the effects are that you freeze up.  You may have a lot of excuses so you just put things off or don’t accomplish anything at all. You miss deadlines. You want to keep making it better and better, but most likely, you become paralyzed and stop doing what you need to do.  I like this quote by Margaret Atwood: “If I waited for perfection… I would never write a word.?”

 

2. No one can do it as well as you – You feel no one else has the skills/experience/ talent to do it as well as you can.  Do you (or others) think of yourself as a control freak? There are a lot of tasks you really need to  delegate or outsource.

 

3. You are stressed, angry and disappointed most of the time. Everything is urgent. Nothing you or others do lives up to your high standards. The result is disillusionment, unhappiness and nothing ever getting done.

 

If you are a perfectionist, you may not realize this, but the pursuit of perfection is limiting. Perfectionists limit their energy, their output and their happiness in  the pursuit of perfection.

 

What to do instead?  

  1. Reach for excellence not perfection

    “I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence I can reach for; perfection is God’s business.” Michael J. Fox

 

2.  Delegate or hire out those things you don’t do well, or have no business doing at all.  

“Pursuit of perfection is futile. Instead, I prioritize and often realize goals or tasks I’ve been aiming for just aren’t that important.” Aisha Tyler

Give yourself permission to LET GO of what doesn’t serve you or others. When a task becomes stressful, overwhelming or just plain loathsome, step back and figure out your options.  It may be asking someone else for help, hiring a contractor or virtual assistant. It could be that you have taken on too much work or that what you are doing is filler, non-essential and unnecessary. (really!)

Step back and view what you are doing from someone else’s perspective – pull apart the tasks and prioritize into these categories: Must do, Want to, Would be nice to.  Just concentrate on the Must DO. This will help you whiz through the work.

 

3.  Be honest about the root causes of your procrastination – is it really an issue with your self-confidence and not about having the perfect speech, video or website? Do you worry about what others will think of you if your work isn’t perfect? Ask for some support from someone you trust and talk this through. Be more gentle on yourself. Be loving to yourself.  We are not here to dot every ‘I ‘and cross every ‘T.’

 

We are here to love ourselves and others and find joy everyday, not perfection. Know that life is a series of small moments, beautiful experiences and meaningful relationships. Put more focus on what matters most.

Life has fuller and richer gifts in store for us if we just let go of these artificial goals and standards that really have no meaning and bring no joy. Aim high but put it in perspective. Balance your need for perfection with smiling more and letting go.

 

Please leave your comments below.

Speaking of balance and letting go – have you heard about our upcoming exclusive retreat to Italy? Click here to learn all about this once-in-a-lifetime excursion.

Filed Under: Personal Growth Tagged With: overcoming perfectionism, stop procrastinating

By Marybeth Leave a Comment

Aretha, Thanks For the Joy

Aretha Franklin was a joy to us all. I loved her! (After all, we shared the same birthday–March 25th.) When I was young, I always wanted to sing like her so I would practice her songs very loudly; over and over. I was a skinny Italian girl who grew up in Pennsylvania Dutch Country so I didn’t know much about R&B or soul music.  What I did know was that Aretha’s music made me smile and my feet would automatically go into a happy dance whenever I heard her sing.  At some point I realized I didn’t have the talent or drive to hone my voice so, instead, I have always kept her songs  in my playlists and, when I am sad, the pure magic of her voice picks me right up.

 

She made for herself an amazing life. She was not a Diva or Drama Queen like many of today’s artists. Her life was full of hard knocks and tireless work. She commented more than once about those challenging times…

It’s the rough side of the mountain that’s the easiest to climb; the smooth side doesn’t have anything for you to hang on to.

The “Queen of Soul” was the first woman to be entered into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. She received the Presidential Medal of Freedom, and was one of the best-selling female artists in history with 75 million records sold worldwide in her career. She lived her life with grace, honor and humility and was grateful for each day:

Every birthday is a gift. Every day is a gift.

She is one incredible role model, which is why at The International Center for Women in Leadership, we couldn’t let her time on earth go uncelebrated. Thank you Aretha for sharing your talent and giving us joy.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Aretha Franklin, Women Role Models

By Marybeth Leave a Comment

Happy Tips For Women Who Work

Marybeth GreggThere is hardly one woman I know who doesn’t have some fairly high level of stress in their lives – especially women who work – who are in their own business or have a career. For a lot of us, being happy is inconsistent or elusive. As women, we still feel we must do it all – do it, give it, make it happen. This pressure is almost debilitating and it can become harmful to our overall health. We may experience a feeling that it is hard to breathe, develop a pattern of sleep problems, poor eating habits.  Perhaps become sullen or angry, or depressed or worried.  Sometimes our lives are unfulfilled or unpleasant because we are too pressured with responsibilities to enjoy life. We can almost be so unhappy that we get to a point where we realize we are in too much pain and something must change.

About Conscious Choices

Our lives will not change unless we make conscious choices to make change happen.

I have been thinking a lot about how to get myself into action so that I could reduce my stress and increase my level of happiness every single day. It is a lot about acknowledging something is not right and about giving ourselves permission to get support and find more joy every day.

Many of you know my story: how my beloved husband of 30+ years passed away last year, leaving what feels like an endless void of sorrow. Besides this new reality, I’m still growing and running my business. I have had to make extreme efforts at times to move forward, and now am at the point of being very conscious of how I can be happier every day, despite the circumstances of my life. It is not a place that I would ever choose to be, but here I am and I want to share what has helped me manage my layers of stress and sadness and move forward by taking responsibility for my happiness now.

Here are 3 powerful ways I want to share with you to help you move forward and find a sigh of relief and joy each day:

  1. Move Your Body

    It is truly amazing how good it feels to move! I started to use my Apple Watch which has this great little reminder that goes off every 60 minutes. It reminds me to breathe, and but I also use it to get up and walk around. And even better, I started to take dance lessons, which is something I have been wanting to do for years but was unable to. I said to my dance instructor, Christian, that is impossible to be sad or stressed and dance at the same time! Go take a lesson. I’m learning the Bachata, and I just have to laugh. Put on your favorite dance music (I like Better When I’m Dancin’, and My Heart Is In Havana. — I am playing it now and dancing at my desk while I write this.) Smiling is not optional! Speaking of which:
  2.  

  3. Smile and Laugh

In an INC. article, Angelina Zimmerman writes:  “Children laugh an average of300 times per day compared with an adult’s average of 5 times.” What has changed and why has this happened to us?  Some would say – “Well, you have to grow up sometime.” And I say dig into that inner child instead.  She is still there waiting to enjoy life again. Women who work (outside or inside the home) especially need to laugh.

Even by simply making yourself smile, the body does a little happy dance inside your brain – endorphins, dopamine, and serotonin are released.

These chemicals are released in the brain(called neuro-transmitters) and go to work to make you feel good – blood pressure and heart rate drops, your body relaxes and a feeling of overall pleasure descends, even if for a moment. (Endorphins are also triggered by dark chocolate!  A good excuse to indulge a little.)

Share the Joy A smile truly rubs off on others because smiles are contagious. When you smile at someone else, there also is an automatic trigger which pushes them to smile back (unless they consciously stop it). Try it a minimum of 3 times today. You’ll be amazed at the reactions.

  1. Talk to Others and Support Them

Not text or email them – talk to them.  I made a resolution this year to text less and talk more and am finding that choosing to talk and connect live with others has its own joy. Establishing this verbal connection brings me closer because I can actually hear how the other person is feeling. Hearing the voices of others live, I can decipher whether they are happy, sad or stressed and can then talk about that and we both leave in a better place.

Reaching out can also lower our stress, and theirs. Even a small offer of support does wonders. Come from a sincere place of service to others. Your muscles relax when you are in a place of support which puts things in perspective. When we text or email, we simply don’t get the whole picture. We don’t see or hear the whole person and many times, we “make stuff up.” A personal connection helps us sort through how we both feel. It takes active, conscious listening, which is the topic of the next article.

 

Decide to do more of what makes you happy – right now. Step up and make a conscious choice to make changes in your life which will reduce the stress you have been living with for far too long.

We are not here in this life to be sad or anxious all the time. We are here to take part in the bounty and beauty of life which is all around us. We get to choose how we want to spend each day. Please let me know your thoughts and ideas on how You find joy everyday.

 

If you are an executive woman or business owner, the International Center for Women’s Leadership is offering an Ultimate Self-Care Program just for you – A retreat in Orvieto, Italy, for self-care and finding joy, to take place in the spring of 2019. This will be offered to no more than 10 women internationally so please see how you can join us for a Week of Self-Care,
Reflection, Connection, and Renewal

https://ticwl.com/re-energize-and-come-

 

This is first in a series of articles and podcasts for executive women and business owners which will take place over the next few months.

 

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized

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