Originally posted 5/20/2014

We all have a lot of questions every day.  They can be words like “Why me?”  “How can they do that to me?”  “Why is my boss/partner/girlfriend such a jerk?”  I like to call questions like these the Drama Questions – ones that really have no useful or nourishing answers, but only point fingers and play into being a victim.  If you step back and listen to your questions, I bet you will even laugh a little when you get out of your bad feelings and hear how silly they are.  Remember when you were little and kept asking the question ‘Why?’  Eventually, your parents would just get exasperated and say “BECAUSE I SAID SO!”  See – there really are no satisfying answers to the question WHY.

Today, if this is your usual pattern, try something different. Ask the BEST questions you can – of yourself and others.
The better the questions, the better the answers and options you have.  

Consider asking questions like these:

“How can I do this better?

How can I react differently?

What can I do to stop allowing others to have control over me and push my
buttons?

What kind of support do I need?

If I had no rules, what else could I do?

What is the best advice I can give myself?

What is the one thing I can change that will make a big difference?

How can I give myself permission to do something new or different?

What one step can I take to get out of my comfort zone?

What is holding me back and how can I change it?

Make a list right now of the best questions you can think of  – those that will bring you more joy and empowerment. Then take notice of your questions today. When you hear yourself asking the drama questions, stop and replace them with the types of questions which give you the best results and amazing options you may never have thought of.  Your choice.  All it takes is a little shift in your thinking. You will be pleasantly surprised at the answers.

Do you want to make real change and renew your spirit? Find more inspiration in our programs, developed just for you, on http://www.icwop.com/introduction.html

Originally posted 5/5/2014

I’ve been thinking about how we sometimes rely on others to make us happy, to have fun, to feel joy. If things don’t work out, we can so easily slip into the feeling of blaming others for our own lack of happiness.  “I tried, but…”  ” They always disappoint me…”   ” He got me off to a bad start…”  “I can’t find a job and it’s because of the Democrats, the Republicans, the Prez, my lousy school…” “Burger King doesn’t have anything good on the menu..” Ad infinitum really applies. We have endless possibilities of who and what to blame.

We get drilled into us by the typical ‘culprits’ – parents, friends, family, school, reporters, drama shows, and of course, politics.  It is an endless and overwhelming culture of blame.  On some level, it feels almost good to pick the best excuse we can. There – I am off the hook. Not my fault.

You get to choose a different way…

“With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.” ― Wayne W. Dyer

If you have feelings that your life is a disappointment – and it is so easy (almost instantaneous) to feel let down by others – notice when this happens and switch to a new behavior.  Not TRY a new reaction, but actually CHOOSE something different and more nourishing.

Monday is a great day to start something new. So rather than feel lack of energy and bogged down by what lies ahead this week, take a new approach.  Make your own fun.  Acknowledge that YOU are ultimately responsible for YOU. No blaming others, and as importantly, no blaming yourself.   Any kind of blame is just big of an excuse as for not being happy right now and being stuck in some level of pain.

Open the windows and let the light and air in. Choose joy. Look up at the sky. Take in the sound of the birds outside, of the winds moving things along, of children laughing. Life has gifts for us everyday, in every thing that happens to us. What will be fun for you today? Call up a long lost friend who makes you laugh.  Treat yourself to ice cream. Sign up for a belly-dancing class (so much fun BTW). Have a Margarita for Cinco De Mayo. Travel in your head to your favorite place. Play your favorite song and put on your happy feet. Then, at the end of the day,  remember how may times you get to smile (and help others around you smile as well).  That is how to grown and love and be joyful.  What better way is there to live today?

Just For You
I can help you choose the programs and support for how you can create the story and future that you truly want. Please go to http://www.icwop.com/program-options.html
New: Personal, customized coaching services are also available for individuals. Specializing in executive women looking for a life transition. Connect with me directly for a complimentary, one-on-one Discovery Call where I can learn about your needs and help you choose the very best way for you to reach our goals. 732 245-4931

Originally posted 4/21/2014

Such a beautiful time of year – a true season of renewal. Even the daffodils are resilient enough to bounce back after being covered in ice. When I saw them all limp and lying under ice and snow, I thought they were dead.

A day later, with full sun out, they just sprang back to life, reminding me not to give up so quickly. They are a wonderful message to all of us that we have the ability to thrive even after setbacks.

Take a few minutes today just to allow the message of the rebirth of this season to settle inside of you. Find joy in a small flower or birds chirping after a silent winter. Buy some spring vegetables like pencil-thin asparagus or spring peas and delight in their taste.

Indulge in some sunshine on your face. Take a walk outside and look up at the sky and the trees in bloom.
Grab yourself some joy – it is all around.  We all have the chance to bounce back. And go ahead – eat some of that Easter chocolate, too. This is your time to bloom and flourish as well – there is no need to give up.  Do what makes you happy. Your own joy will connect with those around you as well.

Do you want to make real change and renew your spirit? Find more inspiration in my programs, developed just for you, on http://www.icwop.com/introduction.html

Originally posted 3/20/2014

A couple of years ago I cut out a quote from a magazine ad that said “History is not made looking in the rearview mirror.”  The advertisement is long forgotten but the words have stayed with me.

How easy is it for all of us to focus on what was, or could have been?  When we are in the middle of our daily problems or challenges – illnesses, divorce, separations, money troubles, kid worries – a hundred other issues that can descend upon us – we just have a human tendency to look at our past life.

We then either wish for happier times, or want to blame ourselves or others for prior decisions that we feel have come back to haunt us.  I don’t know why that is – is it a habit, conditioning, our culture? No matter- we easily fall into the Past which then takes up our Present.

We each get to create our own history and to have one that is powerful and fulfilling will NEVER happen if we are stuck in the past.  Never!  Think of the people whom you admire – either those close to you or true historical figures. Each of these women in history have had an impact on all of us, one way or another: Susan B. Anthony, Amelia Earhart, Katherine Hepburn, Anne Frank, Rosa Parks, Mother Teresa, Margaret Mead, Oprah.  None of them would have been able to make a such a difference if they had only focused on what was behind them, their failures and pain, and had not moved forward to get the most out of each day of their present lives.

My own story is one that I have to be aware of each day – with my husband’s continuing critical illness I can quickly find myself wishing we had done things differently before his heart attack – seen a specialist, been more forceful about his losing weight, and on and on.  When I find myself in the past, I have to sit up straight  and say STOP IT!  It doesn’t matter now what I didn’t do. All that matters is what I am doing now to make the story of my life one that I love each day.

If you are faced with the same challenges, I want to offer you somethings that I do to help me move on and re-emerge as a happier person:

1. Pay attention – be aware of when you are drifting into the past and how it is weighing you down and preventing you from enjoying each day.  This is a very powerful first step.

2. Stop blaming yourself or others for what happened. Nothing good comes from blame or recriminations.  Accept what happened and really know that people (including ourselves) do make the best decisions they can for themselves in that moment.  I know that this is an arguable and really hard concept to embrace, but once you do, so much anxiety and bad feelings immediately fall from your shoulders.  Try it!

3. Get a feeling of excitement about today and tomorrow.  Feelings are the strongest forces driving our decisions . Our emotions really are big clues from inside us – don’t ignore them – but rather, wake up and figure out if this feeling is one that will really allow you to make the best choices.

You get to choose what feeling you want to have – no one else. So why not choose, happy and excited about your NOW rather than being upset or wistful about what was?

It has taken me quite a while to be able to understand and accept these simple ideas, and I am honored to be able to share them with you so that you can use them to as you need to help you create your own history – one that is joyful, fulfilled and truly focused on today and tomorrow.

For support and more ideas on how to create the story and future that you truly want, please go to http://www.icwop.com/program-options.html

New: Personal, customized coaching services are also available for individuals. Specializing in executive women looking for a life transition. Connect with me directly for a free Discovery Call. 732 245-4931