How Do You Find Your Best Self?

 

It is quite a dreary day outside – we are on day 4 of the remnants of Hurricane Ian. The storm has stalled and is dumping many inches of rain, with an incessant wind swirling around, and a constant heavy, dark gray sky. I know we are very lucky and can’t compare what is happening here to the destruction in Florida. I am asking myself, so how can I be my best self today, despite the storm?

That is certainly a metaphor for the storms that come into our lives. As I reflect this, I am looking back on my life and knowing that my best self came out of the depths of my personal tragedy. 5 years ago my husband died after a long illness and 30 years of love together. We spent the prior 4 years in and out of hospitals seeking the best care and hoping for recovery. I remember one day being worn out, in the sterile, cold hospital room, anxiously waiting on test results, looking at him lying there and knowing deep inside that this is where I needed to be, not in a meeting or on a phone call. I consciously made the decision to shut down the business and be there for him. I wanted to look back and have no regrets. I knew I needed to be with him and love him everyday. I knew there would be financial consequences to not working but I felt that I didn’t care and felt things would work out in terms of my work, which it did. That was my best self, making a conscious choice.

In tough times I got to ask myself:

– What is the lesson I need to learn from this?

– How do I use my feelings of anger, grief, disappointment, fear, to be better?

– How do I get to a new place of joy?

I don’t always have the answers right away – but each day my best self is aware of how I am feeling, how I want to feel, and choosing how I want to BE today? For all of us, each day, we need to ask: how do I create some sunshine in my life and for others, despite the clouds and rain? That is our best selves!

August 26, 2022

One of the most precious rights that we have is the right to vote.  Did you know that up until 1920, when the 19th Amendment was ratified, voting was denied to half of the population – women?  In the early 19th century women could not even own property.   But on this day women actually became part of the American Constitution!

I have always been intrigued by the Suffragists – by the sheer courage of their convictions, how they faced ostracism from their families, spouses, friends, they endured beatings, jail, and even death because they so fiercely believed that they had a right to vote.  They are incredible role models for all women and I encourage you to read about them for your own inspiration. We can learn so much from others who have gone before us – these lessons in life are free – let’s just take the time to sit down and let those stories pour into us. 

While we have come a long way, we still have many struggles for equality.  Let’s have August 26th be a day of celebration for how far we have come and to reinforce our commitment to continue for full equality. 

I had a wonderful phone call with a dear friend a few weeks back. We don’t get to talk very often but when we do, we both are smiling, listening, and connecting in a way that is so real and truly nourishing for us both. We share in a totally honest way – where we are in our respective lives, what are our difficulties and our joys. We then give each other new ideas, challenges, a different focus and a great energy!

I was discussing two challenges that I am faced with right now – somewhat  out of my comfort zone to be honest – and we talked about how much energy it sometimes takes to be continuously engaged and focused while dealing with life’s hurdles.

My friend asked me such an insightful question – What gives me energy? Wow- I just stopped and thought about that question. It is so powerful – to be able to stop yourself in the midst of things that are painful or boring, and to step back and say “How can I shift gears and find the good energy in me to move on? What brings me joy in what I am doing?”

It takes only one thing – awareness. Being conscious and totally tuned into what you are doing and how it makes you feel: are you sluggish or engaged, are you fearful or fearless, do you want to hide from or participate in life? Once you know what you are doing and feeling, and not just reacting mindlessly, you can begin to assess what does get you moving and excited. 

For me, I just make a list in my journal of what helps me to be excited. For example, when I am thinking about my business, what energizes me is writing, coaching my amazing clients, connecting with other women, doing workshops. I then focus on those activities and being in the moment – simple and yet empowering. And I tell myself how lucky I am that “I get” to do these things!

I encourage you to make these small little changes for having less anxiety and finding more positive energy in your life– 

1. Connect with a friend who brings joy to your life.  You never know how much richness you can give and receive from each other.

2. Ask yourself the question “What gives you energy?”

3. Be aware of your feelings and follow the honest answers that come from within. Record them, look for patterns, and move into action and joy.

You will find that this little question, “what gives me energy?”,  along with your honest answers will get you going, become jazzed about your life, feel lively and so ready to take on the world again. All you have to do is answer that one little question.

Share with us what gives you energy!

Walking on the boardwalk the other morning, I saw a little something up ahead. I was curious because it had an odd shape. When I looked down, it was this small snail, making its way across the boards, at a ‘snail’s pace’.  I immediately bent down to pick it up so that no one who wasn’t looking would step on it.  

But then I stopped myself.  Should I move it? If I did, where would I move it to? Could it work its way along on the sand?  Maybe I should just let it go and not intervene?  I had the dialogue going back and forth in my head. After a few minutes I decided to just let it go and let nature take its course.  It was supposed to be where it was.

That led me to thinking about how to let go of things in our lives that maybe we don’t need to control or get involved with.  When we are faced with personal difficulties, or being smothered with terrible news on the tv or internet, it is time to take a pause.  We can get so worked up about what we think ‘should’ happen, get twisted up in anger or concern, or disbelief about how bad people can be. Our energy then becomes so depleted that we are unable to put our focus on what we can influence or change. 

Taking a pause is critical – the two questions I ask are: “How important is it?”  and “Is this under my control?”   If it is not that important and/or not in our control, there is a powerful learning and it results in letting it go. That result is a freedom of choice and a feeling of curiosity to choose something more.   

(And the ending of the snail story? I went back that afternoon and didn’t see any squished shell so I think that snail went on its merry way to where it was supposed to be.) 

For more ideas on letting go of what doesn’t serve us, please go to my website where you can download a chapter of my new book – How to Soar with A Broken Wing. Finding Tiny Moments of Joy Everyday. You can use the code Spring Joy for a 20%disccount and free shipping. Thank you!